Slobulous

Don't ever go to target unless you have at least $50 left on your last credit card. You'll inevitably buy things like a dog collar that "discourages bad behavior," peanut butter flavored dog bones and deodorant. The dog collar seems a bit cruel at first, but we can't have an eighty pound boxer roaming around and lunging at 40 year old men who live on my block that still live with their mother. Threats to both of them do not reflect will on mun rakas and I. After all, she wants be part of society. Me? I could give a rat's ass. Just kidding. Sometimes she darn near hates it here... she's off to Finland for three weeks and I'll be left here with my computer and johnny walker.

Here's something everyone must try at least once:

When you are at a restaurant, diner, deli or drive-thru and the server or cashier hands you (or asks if you'll need) napkins, shout back, "What? Do I look like a fucking slob?"