Tepid Sense of an Intrepid Destiny

Thursday, January 27, 2005

I've been meaning to write my "Wow. The Oscar nominations are no surprise and it makes me want to yak" post. Seriously.

Clint Eastwood said to Scorcese and Jamie Foxx in a conference call webcast only available to hasbeen actors, the cast of Saved by the Bell and Cuba Gooding Junior who, though the academy prayed it would be posthumous, is receiving a lifetime achievement award solely for his role in Radio.

"Did you see that motherfuckers teeth in that movie?" asked Jamie Foxx, scratching the back of his head... all scabby from the fresh tattoo. "I thought I had balls wearing dark glasses and listing to one side... that nigger had toooffes. Nowutimsaying?"

"Yeah. I know. When I directed Taxi Driver I thought, 'Man. Am I a genius or what?"

Clint, sick of Marty's hubris, said, "Marty Marty Marty. Do you know who I am?"

"Yeah I know who you are you untalented schnook. If I had the impetuous misfortune to be stuck with you in the cast of one of my movies... I'd either make you play the horse or make the movie so ridiculously stylized it would look like a satirical blaxploitation skin flick... with you as a horse. Did I mention that. I'd probably get nominated for best original screenplay for that one... hey jamie, you got a pen and a paper boy?"

"fuck you Marty. I got raised by mine grandma," he said as he pounded his chest with a clenched right fist and pointed his feces covered middle finger of his right hand towards the sky.


Fuck the Oscars. If Eternal Sunshine can only get Best Original Screenplay or Best Actress (for Winslett (who was worse than Carrey (who was better than Leo, Giamatti, and Depp combined (and I love Depp))) than the whole ceremony should be interrupted by a large wave of septic water (which, on second thought, may disinfect the entire thing).

I liked Sideways. good movie. No. I didn't say great. I didn't say Best.

I thought The Aviator was good. No. I didn't say great. I didn't say Best.

I thought Finding Neverland was very good. I didn't say great. I would say Better.

I will see Ray by this time next week... which, conveniently, should be around the same time that I've wiped my hands completely clean of Cingular ... and Martin Scorcese's blood.

I have Manchurian Candidate, Stepford Wives, Napoleon Dynamite, and Kill Bill 2 all on the agenda for this weekend. That would be good and healthy for me this weekend, now wouldn't it. I think I will get me some cases of talls, an eighth of sweet ganj, and a stronger prescription (however you want to take that, it may work both ways).

This isn't what I wanted from this post, but it will have to do... I guess a solid pic is always a good backup.

I was supposed to be in the middle of a huge mustache contest... with my main competition being Mike... I had to recuse myself from the competition for other reasons, BUT I am in the lead if he shaves with no proof or evidence of a mustache or mustache derivative.

Eat this.

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